Fading Anonomously

My first question: why is it 63 degrees in almost-July?

Answer: Because it's Minnesota and it can.

My second question: why do I have so many weird thoughts at night?

Answer: Because I'm alone and can think straight.

My third question: How am I doing in life?

Answer: Complicated.

So much can happen in a week, a month, a year. Barely one year ago, I didn't have any of the college experiences I do now, know any of those people, nor have any of these expectations. All I had was my high school diploma, my group of close friends and family, and my faith in God. I still remember that last day, at the All Night Grad Party, sitting on my cooler and resting as I waited for my ride. All of the students - if we could be called that anymore - started to limp out of the high school one more time, tired from a night of intense fun and hilarity. Yet as I sat there, the somber realization came upon me that I'm never going to see a majority of these people ever again. Granted, I knew but a fraction of my class, but it still was scary. Plus, hearing of all of their great plans and what they wanted to do in college and life made my plans feel inferior.
Let's fast forward a year, to now.
With my friend group reconvening and bonding again this summer, we all had stories to tell. Everyone seems to have that one drunk story, that one "I can't believe he did that" story, and that one heartbreak story from college. Yet, sometimes the most interesting stories are the ones that stayed back. I know for certain there are many kids whose college plans did not work out according to plan for various reasons, the most common being too much partying. So, they throw their current plans out the door and come back to work for a year or two. Now, it's not the end of the world, but it definitely doesn't help the overall goal. I guess my point is, am I really going to do something with this plan and aspirations that I have, or am I just going to fail and fade into anonymity like so many other of my former classmates? Classmates who, at the ten year reunion, look tired, out of shape, and just generally beaten down? Or am I going to be that one that everyone goes, "dang, couldn't have seen that one coming!"?

I will fight to be in the latter.

Jacob

Bosom and the Bible

So, I'm trying to read the Bible in a year. I'm in Proverbs right now, and it is one of the most interesting and influential books I've read in this interesting book. You know, I've been a Christian all my life and not once have I read through an entire Old Testament book; actually, I hadn't read through most books, spare the gospels and Acts. But I'm doing it. I've fallen off the commitment path a few times, but I've always picked it right back up and gotten back on it.
While I was catching up this morning, I was reading Proverbs 5. It is a warning against adultery, aimed primarily at men who might struggle with a wandering eye. And I thought to myself, this is pretty applicable, even though I'm not married, much less soon to be engaged or such. Solomon, that wise 'ol man, tells us starting in verse 3, "For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword."
Ain't that the truth. Here in the modern, secular era, we have a similar phrase: If she'll do it for you, she'll most likely do it to you.

Cheating is hard for many guys. We are simply programmed for that physical connection and act, more so than woman. But that's no excuse. God gave us sex and wants us to be happy, and he tells the married man and woman to enjoy each others company as much as they can! In verse 18 and 19, Solomon and God tell us to "...rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love."
Also, read through the Songs of Solomon once; you'll be surprised what is in the Bible. ;)

Jacob

Merp

You know, sometimes I really, really don't understand why we're made the way we are. We're programmed to be with people, yet sometimes I want nothing to do with them. We're programmed for sex, but I'm really starting to lean towards avoiding it at all costs. We're programmed to believe in a higher power, yet many don't and actively deny him.
I just don't get it...
Particularly with the second, I really ponder these a lot. I wish we could choose our priorities when we turned like, 14, or something. Like, I want job, travel, and worship to be my top priorities, and not be worried by sex, intimacy, or tough questions. Life would be so much easier.

Yeah, sure, that would probably include dying alone. But hey, everyone dies alone anyway! You can't take anyone with you. I really don't see the bad in that; one last hurrah to ponder with yourself, your life decisions, and the hopes for the next life.

Well, lets hope that never happens. In the meantime, I'm going to go to bed (all alone, and quite content) and tomorrow, I'm gonna go to work!

How revolutionary. :P

Jacob

It's a lot easier when looking back

Had you asked me three weeks ago what my life was like, it probably would have sounded something like this.
"It really sucks right now. I have absolutely zero idea as to where God wants me to go. I'm pretty much just a zombie everyday, doing the work I have to and then going home and surviving."
Please, spare me the pity, I gave myself enough of it. I'm not saying that I wasn't a little girl-ish in these thoughts, but considering all that had gone on in that short period [about a week], it seemed justified at the time:
1) the weather was literally hovering around 50 degrees daily...in May (as I write this in June, it's the same. I hate this state :P).
2) The job I really, really wanted wasn't calling me back, leaving me stuck at a dead-end job that I really didn't like.
3) My girlfriend was about to leave for Australia for two weeks. Okay, this is probably one of the most pathetic ones. Seriously, Jacob, you went nearly five months without seeing her and now two weeks is hard? To that I reply, I know. -_-
4) Not all of my friends were home yet, leaving a very empty feeling at my house.
5) The prospects of me studying abroad in the upcoming year were looking grim.
6) Did I mention that it felt like early March in what is supposed to be almost-summer? Yeah, I'm still bitter about that one...

Nature, you're really not helping anything here...

At that moment, I'll admit, I was a little frustrated with God. Every Christian is told, "Oh, he has a plan for you, just be patient." when put in a less-than-desirable situation. I've even used that saying before. It's a lot harder to believe when it's happening to you. Certainly, I knew things had to get better. They always do, right?

Well, lets fast forward about three weeks to now [early June]. It appears that God opens some doors and closes others, and in the case of my jobs, he did just that. While he did not grant me my prayer of working at Caribou, he gave me an equally-blessed job working with kids as a lifeguard and part time counselor at the local YMCA summer camp. This means that 1) I get more stable hours and pay, and 2) I get to enjoy my job a lot more than I currently do. Oh, and I'm not waking up at five AM every weekday. I like that...
In the other areas, things are even better! After a phone call involving my mom and study abroad counselor at school, we discovered it's more than doable for me to go to Barcelona next spring. It's nearly certain, the finances just need to be acquired, which the previous example will help secure. God really did provide when he gave me that money from the school to help me go; what he plans on having me do, I don't know. But I know it'll be fun and worth it!
And lastly, while it may seem trivial, the woman I enjoy calling my girlfriend gets back at somepoint tomorrow (I don't exactly know the details, given she's flying back from Australia). While the future and details of that relationship are still uncertain, God will lead us down his desired path concerning us and either way, I'll be happy.

So yeah, maybe things aren't so bad after all. Thanks God!
Psalm 106:44 Nevertheless, he looked upon their distress, when he heard their cry.

Jacob