Standards - 1 in 30

So, here in college, we are trying to watch all episodes of How I Met Your Mother before the final season starts started (we failed...). Alas, it was a noble effort, as we powered through a couple of seasons in reasonable time. Other than being a hilarious-yet-eerily relatable show, one thing stuck out to me the other night as we watched it. I believe it was season three (I want to say the third to last episode, actually, but don't quote me), when Ted is dating Stella, a single mother. About two months in, Stella confesses that she hasn't had sex in five years. *gasp* Ted, being the womanizer he is, suddenly realizes that the expectations she has for him in bed will be much higher, as he can hardly contain himself for five weeks, much less five years. The typical episode hilarity then ensures, resulting in Ted digging himself a hole that is difficult to get out of.
But perhaps what more struck me is one of Lily and Marshall's lines early in. When Ted tells them about Stella's lack of sexual activity for the past half decade, they proceed to criticize and tease Ted, as apparently the universally accepted standard (Barney excluded) for going all the way is AT MAX two months. At this point, I actually was chuckling to myself, because I am 19 years old and that stuff still hasn't happened.
Okay, so it's just a TV show, right? Totally not a reason to get upset; it's just there for shits and giggles. True, but it seems like a lot of the TV series made nowadays reflect our culture, and speaking as a college student, they are completely correct about that part of our culture. I'd even go as far to say that two months is generous for some couples.

Alright, I will give them this; some of the people who chose to commit their bodies to each other like that are pretty serious and end up getting married, which admittedly, is better. Still, I can't help but feel our society - and probably world in general - has a very poor concept of what all goes on during that, that dirty s word - SEX. (I'm going to hell; I said it!)

At least that's what I keep being told.

I'm no biology major, nor do I even claim to act like I have a remote interest in knowing how all of it works. The only assurance I have is the advice I have received from friends who have crossed that border and regret it, from statistics, and from God.

1) Friends nearly always tell me that they wish they had waited, not necessarily for marriage, but for them to at least mature and understand everything that sex entails. You know what, I can respect that. I certainly am in no position to judge peoples actions with their bodies; hormones are a bitch to deal with, and very few people are immune to their decision-altering effects. Saying you are waiting for marriage is one thing; actually following through is a very, very different thing that seems to require you to lock yourself in your room away from opposite-gender interaction for twenty years until you meet your spouse on Christianmingle.com and then proceed to raise equally-as-awkward kids. So you know what, I'm not going to judge because quite frankly, it's not for everyone! (Though it is a goal we should strive for.)

2) Many studies have been done that link abstinence with higher marriage, sex life, and communication satisfaction rates. On the down side, 95% of Americans have reportedly had premarital sex. Links here, here, and here. Again, I'm no social scientist, but being a Criminal Justice courses, we are taught that a lot of the chronic criminals come from broken families with one parent - usually the result of a teen pregnancy. I stress I am not one to judge; many times the religious right hype up sex to be this huge pleasure demon that is only for grown-ups. Then when the (usually sheltered) teenager discover it, it appears as a ticket to adulthood.

3) The apostle Paul was probably one of the most down-to-earth yet holy men in the New Testament. He had lived the life of a sinner; an active persecutor of Christians, actually. He understood how bad things were "down here" when in comparison to heaven. If you study his letters, you will see a lot of patterns involving him giving instructions on how it should be, followed by instructions on what to do when they mess up. We are all sinners and it is inevitable (does that mean actively participate in sin, no; you should still try to flee) that our Adam nature will take over. 1 Corinthians 7 covers marriage and romance. Skipping forward a bit, he says in verse 7, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." Paul was living the single life to the max. He traveled, met new people nearly every day, had encounters with hundreds of different cultures and beliefs, and did this all without having to worry about those pesky romantic relationships. Some do think he was married while a Jew, however, but I don't think we'll ever truly know that. Anyway, he mentions as a follow-up to that verse basically that, while he would prefer we all keep it in our pants and focus our attentions elsewhere, that "...because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." (v. 2). Look guys, he's saying the single life is cool and all, but let's be honest here, we all like sex too much to be celebite, so here's what God says. Get a husband/wife, stick with them, and you can do it as much as your heart desires. In fact, the issue was so prevalent even back then, he dedicates an entire chapter of 1 Corinthians (chapter 5) to lecturing the church for how bad sexual immorality had become within it.

Now, there are lots of other Bible verses about sex within marriage (see the entire book of Song of Songs/Solomon and 1 Corinthians 7:5, which basically commands couples to keep doing it.), and I highly encourage anyone reading this blog to continue researching the matter. Shoot, you could even leave a comment/question and I can see if I can help!

Where was I? Shoot, I hardly remember. Oh yeah, HIMYM. Okay, so in summary, it's a great show that does a great job in showing our current societal strengths and flaws, sex included! But we don't have to cringe every time we say that word. It's completely normal and biblical, assuming that it's being treated correctly.

To those who have already crossed that boundary, you are by no means beyond repair! Virginity is simply the term we give to to the act (or lack thereof); believe me, there are many, many virgins who wish they weren't and dream as such. While you can never technically get that "term" back, you can still amend your current pledge!

To those who haven't, be like Paul! Go do something that your dating/married friends can't simply because of their status! Paul traveled and did cool things (as well as go through hardships, granted!), but enjoy it while you can, because marriage is (supposed to be) until death to us part.

Jacob

LOUD NOISES (in my head)

Ever feel like this?

I have. A lot recently. Thoughts on topics that I never thought possible have seemed to torment me in the past few weeks. Thoughts about the vast un-answered questions that we have in life. God, heaven, hell, life, you name it, I've thought it. It's like a really bad second-hand thrift store; the most common and used topics and theories, I just feel so special like I was the first to think them.

Please. If the answers were easy, there would be no debate over who's God is right; if their was literal 100% physical proof that Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior of the world, the harvest Jesus talked about in Luke 10:2 would be a lot easier to accrue.

But no, unfortunately we are still left in this reality of hard questions, difficult answers, and seemingly hopelessness. (At least that's how I feel sometimes.) In the end, I know God put me through these trials, however petty they may seem, to strengthen me. Not physically (though I wouldn't mind that, here God. Insta-workout would be a great miracle), but spiritually. Continuing with my Bible study in a year, I'm almost to the New Testament. I thank God for making me start this program, because there is truly so much untapped potential in the Bible. If you ever get the chance when you get the chance to read the Bible more in depth, start at some of the lesser known books, like Joshua and Judges. They're some great adventures, and great examples of how God comes through in the end.

IN OTHER NEWS. MARRIAGE. WHY IS EVERYONE GETTING MARRIED? 

It's climbin' in yo windows, snatchin' all yo friends up!

For real-zies, like, it seems everyone is. [I use everyone very liberally. I apologize.] But it is definitely to the point that I notice it more. As for me, pretty much the same as usual; hiding in my corner of singleness, content and curious as to how it all works. I've come to this realization;

Look, God has plans for all of us. We all also have plans for ourselves. Very rarely do those plans coincide and agree. When push comes to shove, God's plan will win, 10 times out of 10. Why do we fight? Why do we run? He'll get us sooner or later, and the later it is, the more painful it initially will be. The same applies to dating. We have our plans of who we want to marry and spend (what we think) the rest of our lives with. Sometimes, he gives our relationship of choice his stamp of approval; sometimes he discards it and says try again. And yet very rarely, he'll pull the not for you card. 

Stay with me. I'm not saying I believe I'm destined to be alone forever. Hey, the thoughts crossed my mind, but I don't think I really believe that (yet). What I have realized is that casual dating is pretty much behind me; the next one might be it, so no more dinkin' around. Obviously, that means I sit here in college-land USA watching my friends 140 character relationships come and go, along with all the problems that accompany them. It's hard, I'll admit, sometimes I just want that temporary pleasure. It ain't worth it, I know that much. And yet there is a strange peace with being at ease with ones singleness; a peace that I've only recently felt as I've thought and prayed more on the case. Again, it's not for everyone and results will vary, but still....it's always a mystery!

Future wife, if you're out there, this will be a pretty sick marriage. 

But more on that in the future....

Jacob

So Far Apart

We all feel (and fall) apart (yes, I recgonize that is not spelled correctly; go with it) at some point. The reasons and how we show it vary, but every person, from the strongest man to the quietest girl, feel apart at some point. From there, they might fall apart, which again manifests itself in different ways. It's an uncomfortable thought, especially in our individualistic "I'll take care of it myself" culture, but it's the unfortunate truth.

My inspiration for this title is KJ-52's song. I recently discovered it, and the lyrics definitely are relatable. KJ is a great rapper and someone to look up to as a role model, especially considering his upbringing in the slums of Florida. He is up there on the list, along with Lecrae, of rappers who should be more well known in today's society.

First off, let me clarify; my life is not really falling apart. Actually, it's quite awesome. I recently was blessed with the opportunity to study in Spain next semester. It's actually happening! Money has been put down, forms submitted, and more importantly, prayers answered. God definitely does work in awesome ways, and the old saying that sometimes he says "wait" to our requests has never been truer. Granada, Spain will be my home starting in January, and to say that I'm thrilled would be an understatement.

Uh, yes please.

Yet, God gives and he takes away. Other aspects of my life have not been as fun. Relationships end, friendships are strained, thoughts are corrupting; most of the time they are manageable, but man, does it get tiring constantly reinforcing the good things and fighting off the bad. We all fall, and in the American colleges and Universities, that is especially true. I mean, not all the stereotypes are true, but a large percentage of them. 

Not all stereotypes are true. For example, Netflix is much more attractive to me than going out on most Friday nights.

Yet the future terrifies me. Somewhere, among all the people I'll encounter, people I'll know forever are waiting. I'm guessing I already know some. But think of it! The future friend forever, the future travel buddy, maybe even the future wife! (what, you actually thought I was going to say that in certainty?) I'm discovering that as one relationship ends, the hardest part isn't getting over it, but moreover controlling your anxiety about the future relationships you'll be making.

So, to get to the point, I feel very far apart in many categories of life. Yet in others, I've never felt closer. How does this work? I really couldn't answer you. If I could, I wouldn't be blogging about it with so many question marks! The only thing that's been able to remotely control me is staying busy (not that hard), and meeting new people; not dwelling in the past.

So, future, let's do this. I can only imagine what it brings.

Jacob