Standards - 1 in 30

So, here in college, we are trying to watch all episodes of How I Met Your Mother before the final season starts started (we failed...). Alas, it was a noble effort, as we powered through a couple of seasons in reasonable time. Other than being a hilarious-yet-eerily relatable show, one thing stuck out to me the other night as we watched it. I believe it was season three (I want to say the third to last episode, actually, but don't quote me), when Ted is dating Stella, a single mother. About two months in, Stella confesses that she hasn't had sex in five years. *gasp* Ted, being the womanizer he is, suddenly realizes that the expectations she has for him in bed will be much higher, as he can hardly contain himself for five weeks, much less five years. The typical episode hilarity then ensures, resulting in Ted digging himself a hole that is difficult to get out of.
But perhaps what more struck me is one of Lily and Marshall's lines early in. When Ted tells them about Stella's lack of sexual activity for the past half decade, they proceed to criticize and tease Ted, as apparently the universally accepted standard (Barney excluded) for going all the way is AT MAX two months. At this point, I actually was chuckling to myself, because I am 19 years old and that stuff still hasn't happened.
Okay, so it's just a TV show, right? Totally not a reason to get upset; it's just there for shits and giggles. True, but it seems like a lot of the TV series made nowadays reflect our culture, and speaking as a college student, they are completely correct about that part of our culture. I'd even go as far to say that two months is generous for some couples.

Alright, I will give them this; some of the people who chose to commit their bodies to each other like that are pretty serious and end up getting married, which admittedly, is better. Still, I can't help but feel our society - and probably world in general - has a very poor concept of what all goes on during that, that dirty s word - SEX. (I'm going to hell; I said it!)

At least that's what I keep being told.

I'm no biology major, nor do I even claim to act like I have a remote interest in knowing how all of it works. The only assurance I have is the advice I have received from friends who have crossed that border and regret it, from statistics, and from God.

1) Friends nearly always tell me that they wish they had waited, not necessarily for marriage, but for them to at least mature and understand everything that sex entails. You know what, I can respect that. I certainly am in no position to judge peoples actions with their bodies; hormones are a bitch to deal with, and very few people are immune to their decision-altering effects. Saying you are waiting for marriage is one thing; actually following through is a very, very different thing that seems to require you to lock yourself in your room away from opposite-gender interaction for twenty years until you meet your spouse on Christianmingle.com and then proceed to raise equally-as-awkward kids. So you know what, I'm not going to judge because quite frankly, it's not for everyone! (Though it is a goal we should strive for.)

2) Many studies have been done that link abstinence with higher marriage, sex life, and communication satisfaction rates. On the down side, 95% of Americans have reportedly had premarital sex. Links here, here, and here. Again, I'm no social scientist, but being a Criminal Justice courses, we are taught that a lot of the chronic criminals come from broken families with one parent - usually the result of a teen pregnancy. I stress I am not one to judge; many times the religious right hype up sex to be this huge pleasure demon that is only for grown-ups. Then when the (usually sheltered) teenager discover it, it appears as a ticket to adulthood.

3) The apostle Paul was probably one of the most down-to-earth yet holy men in the New Testament. He had lived the life of a sinner; an active persecutor of Christians, actually. He understood how bad things were "down here" when in comparison to heaven. If you study his letters, you will see a lot of patterns involving him giving instructions on how it should be, followed by instructions on what to do when they mess up. We are all sinners and it is inevitable (does that mean actively participate in sin, no; you should still try to flee) that our Adam nature will take over. 1 Corinthians 7 covers marriage and romance. Skipping forward a bit, he says in verse 7, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." Paul was living the single life to the max. He traveled, met new people nearly every day, had encounters with hundreds of different cultures and beliefs, and did this all without having to worry about those pesky romantic relationships. Some do think he was married while a Jew, however, but I don't think we'll ever truly know that. Anyway, he mentions as a follow-up to that verse basically that, while he would prefer we all keep it in our pants and focus our attentions elsewhere, that "...because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." (v. 2). Look guys, he's saying the single life is cool and all, but let's be honest here, we all like sex too much to be celebite, so here's what God says. Get a husband/wife, stick with them, and you can do it as much as your heart desires. In fact, the issue was so prevalent even back then, he dedicates an entire chapter of 1 Corinthians (chapter 5) to lecturing the church for how bad sexual immorality had become within it.

Now, there are lots of other Bible verses about sex within marriage (see the entire book of Song of Songs/Solomon and 1 Corinthians 7:5, which basically commands couples to keep doing it.), and I highly encourage anyone reading this blog to continue researching the matter. Shoot, you could even leave a comment/question and I can see if I can help!

Where was I? Shoot, I hardly remember. Oh yeah, HIMYM. Okay, so in summary, it's a great show that does a great job in showing our current societal strengths and flaws, sex included! But we don't have to cringe every time we say that word. It's completely normal and biblical, assuming that it's being treated correctly.

To those who have already crossed that boundary, you are by no means beyond repair! Virginity is simply the term we give to to the act (or lack thereof); believe me, there are many, many virgins who wish they weren't and dream as such. While you can never technically get that "term" back, you can still amend your current pledge!

To those who haven't, be like Paul! Go do something that your dating/married friends can't simply because of their status! Paul traveled and did cool things (as well as go through hardships, granted!), but enjoy it while you can, because marriage is (supposed to be) until death to us part.

Jacob